How to talk to your kids about bodies, boundaries and genitals without shame

As a women's health physiotherapist and a mum of three boys, I often hear parents say, "I want to talk to my kids about this stuff, but I have no idea where to start."

It’s totally understandable. Many of us didn’t grow up with clear, confident conversations about bodies, consent or genitals. These topics were often brushed under the carpet, awkward, or avoided altogether.

But here’s the thing: when we talk openly and age-appropriately about bodies and boundaries, we help children feel safe, confident and in control. We also lay the foundations for body safety, emotional wellbeing and respectful relationships.

Here are my top tips for getting started:

1. Use the correct words from the start

Avoid cutesy nicknames and teach children the correct anatomical names: vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, bottom, nipples.

This helps remove confusion, reduces shame, and is important for safeguarding. Children who know the right words are more likely to report inappropriate behaviour and be understood if they ever need help.

You can still explain that these are private body parts, without making them feel shameful.

2. Answer questions simply and honestly

Children are naturally curious, and it’s completely normal for them to ask questions. Try not to shut them down or change the subject. Instead, keep your answers simple and clear.

Q: Why doesn’t she have a willy? A: Because girls have a vulva instead. Everyone’s body is different and that’s totally normal.

If you don’t know how to answer something, it’s ok to say, “That’s a great question. Let me have a think and we can talk more about it later.”

3. Teach boundaries and consent early

Even toddlers can start learning about body autonomy. Use everyday language like:

• you don’t have to hug anyone if you don’t want to

• it’s your body and you’re in charge of it

• we always ask before touching someone else

These messages help children understand that their body belongs to them, and that other people’s bodies deserve the same respect.

4. Model calm and comfort (even if you're faking it a bit)

You might feel awkward at first, and that’s completely normal. But how we respond teaches kids whether a topic is safe to talk about.

Try to answer calmly and confidently—even if you’re still finding your feet. If we treat genitals like any other body part, children are more likely to do the same.

5. Keep the conversation going

This isn’t one big, serious “talk”. It’s a series of little, everyday chats that happen over time—at bath time, while reading books, in the car or during play.

By keeping these conversations relaxed and ongoing, you show your child that they can always come to you with questions or worries. That trust is everything.

6. Use books and visuals

Books are a brilliant way to support these conversations. They take the pressure off you to say the “right” thing and help children learn in a way that feels natural and safe.

Look for age-appropriate books that talk about anatomy, consent, puberty or periods in a clear, positive and inclusive way. Having them on your shelf is a great way to make these topics part of everyday life.

Final thoughts

You don’t need to be an expert. You just need to show up, be honest, and make your child feel safe talking to you.

By giving them language, knowledge and body confidence from the start, you’re giving them tools they’ll carry for life.

And that’s something to be proud of.